I saw a coworker today – the one who took the job that I did not. Yes, she is sitting in the nice office, doing important things. I see her as an authority now, because she is privy to the information I am not. I am just one of the worker bees.
You see, we both applied for the same job, a promotion within our organization. I withdrew my name before a decision could be made. She later received an offer and took the position. And sometimes I wonder why I’m not the one sitting in that office. Perhaps it is because I didn’t ‘lean in.’ Maybe I was afraid to take on the challenge. Or maybe, just maybe, I knew I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifices that came with that job.
Those sacrifices included working longer hours, being at high level staff meetings, very few social lunches during the workday, and A LOT more responsibility. And I knew that I was still planning to have another child – a reality that came much quicker than anticipated. Yes, women have held high-level roles at work and still managed to have babies. But I didn’t want that to be me. I didn’t want the stress of that role while pregnant. I didn’t want to feel pressure to return to work earlier than my allowed 12 weeks after baby arrived. And I didn’t want my first son to see mommy pulling long hours at home and thus sacrificing time with him.
My coworker doesn’t have kids, at least not yet. I don’t doubt she (or I) could have done the job even with a family at home, but it wasn’t a step I was ready to take. Sometimes I wonder what important things I would be doing if I had taken on that job, if I had been given that promotion. But I also enjoy that I have a bit more leeway to take a day off when my children are sick. I can work from home and am not missed as much as I would be if I sat in the C suite.
I decided not to lean in, and that’s ok. Do I ever second-guess my decision – yes. Should I – probably not. I did what was best for my family and that is always worth it.
Sarah says
June 28, 2017 at 7:33 pmFor decisions like this or when you doubt yourself you have to look 20-30 years down the road and picture yourself thinking about your life and as you reflect on it what would you have regretted most. We can’t get that time back with our kids. I’d chose that over a anyday. And kids or no kids, our priorities in life often change from what our first vision was
Sophie says
June 29, 2017 at 5:52 pmI think sacrifices for our kids is always worth it! Even if it does live up to others expectations or standards!
Lauren says
July 5, 2017 at 2:45 pmGood for you for knowing what you really want. That’s what it’s all about, and maybe when your kids are older you will want to lean in and maybe not. As long as you’re following what you want and need you’re doing it right.
Leah Ballard says
July 5, 2017 at 2:51 pmThanks for stopping by, Lauren. And yes, it’s all about what works for each of individually, not what others expect of us!
Bridget says
July 15, 2017 at 2:04 pmLeah – love your blog. This hits home, I was in this position and continue to see opportunities arise at work for “more.” My current attitude on the topic is finding a way for productive women to still grow in their careers while maintaining a healthy, family balance. It’s not easy (a lot of perceptions need to be changed) but I fully believe it can be done.
Bridget recently posted…The Most Powerful and Impacting Parenting Tool You Need to be Using
Leah Ballard says
July 15, 2017 at 3:11 pmThanks so much for commenting, Bridget. I’m glad to know others have found themselves in this place – even if it’s a tough spot to be in. The more we create support systems in the workplace, the more women will feel they don’t truly have to choose. People like you speaking out helps normalize the struggles of working moms!